March 29, 2006

• Copy and pasted

  
  

  
  

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  I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
  
  FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
  
  Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
  
  I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”
  
  So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear… “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”
  
  Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
  
  The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all
  dear, let’s go to the cashier.”
  
  I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
  
  Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT?”
  
  I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”
  
  Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her.
  
  

  • 9:27 am
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