March 30, 2005

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  Lessons on the road to success.
  
  
  
  

  Corporate Lesson ..1
  
  

  A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
  
  

  shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over
  which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly
  wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the
  door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she could say a
  word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have
  on." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
  naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars
  and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman
  wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back
  to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?"
  
  

  "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
  
  
  
  
  Moral of the story:
  
  

  If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
  
  

  your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Corporate Lesson ..2
  
  

  A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He
  stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and
  crossed her legs, forcing her habit to open and reveal a lovely leg.
  The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the
  car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and
  immediately said "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered
  and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand.
  Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once
  again said, "Father, Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized,
  "Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the
  nun got
  
  

  out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. Upon his arrival
  at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up
  Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
  glory."
  
  
  
  
  Moral of the story:
  
  

  If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Corporate Lesson ..3
  
  

  A sales representative, an administration clerk, and the manager are
  walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a
  Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only
  grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me
  first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a
  speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In
  astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in
  Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
  supply of pina coladas, and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK,
  you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want
  those two back in the office after lunch."
  
  
  
  
  Moral of the story:
  
  

  Always let your boss have the first say.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Corporate Lesson ..4
  
  

  A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw
  the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day
  long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not?" So, the rabbit sat on the
  ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared,
  jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
  
  
  
  
  Moral of the story:
  
  

  To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Corporate Lesson ..5
  
  

  A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
  the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the
  energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied
  the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump
  of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach
  the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more
  dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there
  he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly
  spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
  
  
  
  
  Moral of the story:
  
  

  Bull$hit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Corporate Lesson ..6
  
  

  In Africa, every morning a gazelle awakens, knowing that it must outrun
  the fastest lion if it wants to stay alive. Every morning, a lion wakes
  up knowing it must run faster than the slowest gazelle or it will
  starve to death.
  
  
  
  
  Moral of the story:
  
  

  It makes no difference whether you are a gazelle or a lion: When the sun comes up, you had better be hauling a$$.

  
  

  • 5:59 pm
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